On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side.” 36Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. And other little boats were also with Him. 37And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. 38But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”

39Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.   (Mark 4)

I've often wondered how Jesus could sleep in the storm. I can see being able to sleep with the boat being battered by the wind and waves. But Jesus had to have been getting wet too. If you've ever been asleep in a tent turning the rain you know how a couple of drops of water can bring you awake from a sound sleep. But Jesus didn't seem to be bothered.

The revelation I got this morning is that this story illustrates how Jesus released what was in him into the world. The calm Jesus had wasn't affected by circumstances. In fact, the calm he carried was enough to change the circumstances.

The disciples, on the other hand, let the circumstances change their inner world. The word Jesus gave, "We're going to the other side," should have been enough for them to do the same thing Jesus did. Jesus chides them for their lack of faith. This suggests that he expected them to be able to trust his word and release the same calm into the storm that he did. 

And so it is with me. I have his word and his promises, and his Spirit. I think the storms I face are supposed to train me to take my inner world into the circumstances and change them.

More Practice, Better Writing

I'm thirty thousand words into writing on two different book projects.  This morning I skimmed through the first chapter of my first book and discovered how much my writing has improved since I began.  Of course, I knew I'll be going over it and editing once I've done the first draft.  But it was funny to see what I'd written just a month ago and compare it to what I wrote yesterday.  The flow of my sentences and the words I chose have improved greatly. 

I'm looking forward to seeing what I think a year from now.  If I keep my pace of a thousand words a day I should be much improved by then.  I hope I don't look back and think, "What kind of hack wrote this mess?" 

I Know Your Works

To each of the seven churches in Revelation Jesus says, "I know your works."  To those he corrects he says they must repent and do the works they did at the first.  The sign of their repentance is see in their works.

Verses like these used to make me feel like I have to try harder.  Since I'm judged by my works it must be up to me to make sure I'm doing the works I'm supposed to be doing.  And if I'm doing the wrong works I need to "just stop it!" and get my butt in gear to do the right things I should be doing.  So living for Jesus was a lot of Shoulds I put on my shoulders and carried around.

But the Spirit has been working to get my mind right--"and I mean right" (insert southern accent).  My friend, Sheri, tells people, "Don't should on yourself."  My good intentions and attempts at good works never turn out so well.  It's only by resting in the Spirit that I can produce any kind of good fruit.

Jesus said, "Be connected to me like a grape branch is connected to the vine."  The purpose of our connection is to make fruit.  Now the branch doesn't fret and strain to make fruit.  As long as it's connected to the vine the fruit just comes.  In fact, thinking that a vine can make fruit happen by itself is silly.

So when I read stuff about "working the works of righteousness" I remind myself that I'm not the one who produces righteousness in my life.  My righteousness comes from Jesus and flows to me as I keep in step with the Holy Spirit.   My struggle isn't to do good works but rather to press in to Him and keep my connection strong.  I pull my life from Jesus and the fruit will come naturally.  I don't have to strain and struggle to pop out a grape. 

Being In the Spirit

Reading Relation one this morning.  Got to wondering what John means about "being in the Spirit".  I know Paul talked about being with one of the churches in spirit when they worship.  Paul's comments sound like more than just "concern from afar".  It's like he's able to see what's going on in the church.

St. Theresa of Avila writes about similar experiences with the Lord---being draw out of her body and seeing other places. So this got me thinking and wondering what being "in the Spirit" was all about. 

What strikes me about John's comment in Revelation is that he says it as if it's the most normal thing in the world. It's almost like he expects everyone to automatically know what he's talking about.  Kind of like we say, "I was on the phone when the doorbell rang."

I think it's time to start learning what the Holy Spirit is all about.  I'm called to walk by the Spirit.  And I think I'm just beginning to understand a little bit of how to do this.  Being "in the Spirit" sounds like a different experience all together. 

So much to learn. 

Cross the Rubicon. Burn the Ships.

I like to have Plan B in my pocket.  I've got options if things don't work out.  It serves me well in lots of areas.  But sometimes I have to burn the ships.  Once I make the decision there's no going back and no other options.  Like Caesar crossing the Rubicon, either I conquer and survive or I fail. 

Today I'm burning ships.  I've been pecking away at being a Realtor and finally said to my self, "This is not my passion."   I'm pretty good at it, but I don't love it enough to go after it like there's no tomorrow.

Today I decided not to keep paying for my electronic key that gets me in to houses for sale.  And I'm not going to renew my license next month.  I'm going to do something I'm passionate about.

I've toyed with the idea of writing a book in the past.  One time I even came close to starting.  Fear and resistance beat me back.  I wasn't sure I could do it.  I didn't have the confidence to just sit down and do the work and trust the muse to visit.

But I've changed.  I know what I have to do.  I'm climbing in the ring with resistance and wrestling it to the ground each day.  I will make this work.  I'll keep at it until it does.

Loins of My Mind?

Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ  --1 Peter 1:13

"Loins of my mind" seems like an odd phrase.  What gave Peter the idea to put those two areas of the body together in one metaphor?  The Bible often uses "loins" like we use "private parts"--it's a polite way to talk about genitals.  Jews thought of "loins" as the place semen resided.  

So what are the "loins of my mind"?  Nothing quite like digging into a metaphor early Saturday morning.

What makes the most sense is that the loins of my mind is my creative thinking--my imagination. Sometimes my imagination can run like a mustang through the sagebrush--wild and free.  It's difficult to reign in.

Worry is when my imagination runs through bad areas partnered with "what if".  Mark Twain said, "I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

Rest, hope and grace are what help me gird up the loins of my mind.  The Spirit has been speaking to me this year about grace.  The revelation of Jesus Christ is letting my imagination run down paths of rest and grace.  No more striving to be good enough.  No more imagining I must earn favour. 

My imagination brings rest to me when it runs in the paths of grace and hope.

Getting a New Mind

And they went out and preached everywhere, the Lord working with them and confirming the word through the accompanying signs. Amen  --Mark 16:20 Does God really want a bunch of mindless robots?  I think we often talk and act like he does.  We sing the song "I Surrender All" and believe that  The problem with us singing the old hymn "I Surrender All" is that we think it's a lifestyle choice.   I went back and checked the lyrics.  This song talks about salvation.  Surrender is how we enter the kingdom.  But citizens of the kingdom are the king's kids not employees.  Yes, the king's kids are expected to obey the king.  But they also get to talk to him and have him listen.  The kids have a role in policy decisions.  Employees are expected to just do what they're told. And since we're adopted children we're expected to learn the heart of the king so we know how to act like royalty rather than employees.  And the way God does this for us is like Trinity learning how to fly a helicopter in the movie "Matrix"--he downloads it into our brain.  Not only that, he himself takes up residence in our body.  The Holy Spirit renews our mind so we have the mind of Christ.  This give us the ability to think God's thoughts. Now we can't go off the reservation and just do whatever we want.  It is expected that the kids of royalty obey the king.  But as the king's kids we should know how to made our own decisions that he will stamp CONFIRMED.

When Did We Become Foodies?

We went out to La Bodega to celebrate Brenda's birthday.  La Bodega is a tapas bar in Kansas City.  Brenda read several reviews that gave them five stars.  We were expecting great food.  We got good food.

After several different plates came we started talking about what was lacking.  Our breakdown of the mushrooms in white wine and garlic is a good example of how we judged the food.  There was a stone-ground mustard in the sauce as well as white wine and not much garlic.  We tasted an earthy flavor overall from the mushrooms.  The mushrooms had been cooked in the sauce and had given their flavor to the sauce more than the sauce giving flavor to the mushrooms. 

The problem, we decided was that the dish had a one-note flavor, and that flavor was the earthiness of the mushrooms.  So I asked Brenda what could have been done to make the flavor profile more complex.  "Saute the mushrooms first, in a little butter and garlic," she said.  "That will bring out more flavors from the mushrooms and then use the same sauce but give it a bit more garlic."

There was only one plate with a balanced depth of flavor.  It was goat cheese and a fig coulis (a sauce) spread on toasted bread.

As we were leaving I asked Brenda how we became food critics.  She said it's because we watch Food Network, and in particular we watch the chef competitions.  Brenda pays attention to what the judges say about the food they are presented.  These critiques have helped her learn how to develop depth of flavor in the food she cooks.  Now we're on the hunt for better restaurants.

Can We Build It?

I know how to build a house.  I know the order in which things have to be done and I know a lot of common problems to look for and avoid.  But this week I thought back to the first house we built.  We knew a lot about construction, but we were far from experts.  We didn't even know how much we didn't know. 

I don't know how Brenda & I got to where we look at something we've never done before & say, "Sure we can do that!"  We built our house.  We built our business.  We've done projects for clients that were brand new processes for us.  God has blessed us with insight and revelation to figure out what we need to know as we go.

So here I am looking at something I've never done before and saying, "Sure, I can do that."

I've got a book inside of me that I'm bringing out and putting on paper.  Well, technically it only exists in my head and as ones and zeros on my computer.  I'm going to have to discover the things I don't know and then learn them.  My past attempts at constructing a book never got past kicking around a few clods of dirt, let alone digging a foundation.  But something is different in me.  I've got the footings placed and the framing is going up.  It's going to be lots of work.  But I think I'm ready.

Working Miracles in Jesus' Name

Someone was casting out demons in the name of Jesus when the dicsiples saw him.  They probably said something like, "You can't use Jesus' name to cast out demons--you're not one of us.  We're disciples.  We're the only ones allowed to use Jesus' name." 

They tell Jesus what happened, probably thinking he'll give them kudos for protecting the "Jesus Inc." brand name.  But Jesus says the following:

Mar 9:39 But Jesus said, "Do not forbid him, for no one who works a miracle in My name can soon afterward speak evil of Me.

Jesus says, "Yeah, they can use my name and the power behind it to do miracles.  Even if they aren't my followers (yet)."

I've tended to be more like the disciples and think that the more spiritual I am the more access I should have to the power of the Holy Spirit.  But Jesus says I shouldn't be surprised if I see miracles from people who aren't Christ followers.  I suppose that also extends to Christ followers who are immature or who have doctrine I think is off-base.

In another place Jesus tells about people who prophesy and work miracles in his name without knowing him.  Jesus says they won't make it into heaven even though they moved in spiritual power.  Being known by Jesus and following him is what saves us. 

So if the non Christ followers or immature can work miracles and prophesy I would think that mature followers should have even more of the gifts of the Spirit at work in us.  Sadly, I haven't seen that in my life. 

So I'm on a journey to unlearn my spiritual prejudices and accept the fact that if Jesus knows me I can do the impossible.

Rollin' Down the Highway

God promises a highway through the wilderness in Isaiah 35.  The desert will bloom, the lame will jump for joy.  And the highway leads to Zion, the city of God.

The unclean won't be able to walk on this road.  It will be for "others".  When you say "others" it's not really clear who these people are.  Except we are told they are not "unclean".  And the promise is that even a fool can find his way if he's on this highway.  No Garmin GPS needed.

The ones who walk this road are the redeemed--those bought back from being in hock to their enemies.

This highway was first for the nation of Israel.  It tells of their return from being captives in Babylon.  But "others" gives this promise a bigger meaning.  Those who follow Jesus are also the redeemed.  So we Christ followers should claim this promise as well.

To often I've let my times in the wilderness be all about feeling dry and alone.  I was not even as smart as the fool who stumbled onto this highway.

The promise for us is that the wilderness becomes a place of springs and a place of healing for us.

I'm asking the Spirit to let me see the highway and not get discouraged if all around me is wasteland.  The word of God promises springs of water in the desert.  I'm one of his redeemed so I'm trusting that he will put me on that highway. 

And the fact that those redeemed are "others" and not exclusivel

Rest

Photo by liber(thepoet);, Flickr

Isa 30:15 For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: "In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." But you would not

Hbr 4:11 Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall according to the same example of disobedience.

Resting on Jesus is a message we heard from Joseph Prince earlier this year.  The Spirit has been speaking to me for years about not relying on my  own works.  But I've only started to hear the past few months.  The drive to do is strong.  That is the desire to do things in an effort to gain favor from God.

God still expects me to do, he doesn't want lazy sons.  But I'm learning to do the things I do because of my rest in him, not because my doing earns me any points in my "God account".

What struck me was the verse in Isaiah is saying the same thing.  The message of resting in God's grace is fully expressed in the New Covenant Jesus gave by his death and resurrection.  But God has been about us resting in him even from the beginning. 

Wisdom From the Foundation of the World

I’m reading Pov. 3 about the value of wisdom.  This verse stuck out to me.

19The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;

By understanding He established the heavens;

I was reminded of the verse in Rev. 13:8 that the Lamb was slain from the foundation of the world.  So the wisdom of God in creating all things includes salvation through Jesus.  

As I read this I get the sense that there is a truth here deeper than I can understand in words. You see, I've always thought of wisdom and salvation as separate. I know my salvation is settled when I was 4 years old. You know the standard question: "If you died tonight do you know where you'll go?"   I never worried about that.

So when I read in Proverbs all the cool things you get when you ask for wisdom, I always thought of it as seeking how to live better. It seemed to me like a way to keep me on the straight and narrow and avoid the immoral woman that Proverbs talks about. That woman drags you to hell, and I didn't want that. So wisdom, to me, was an intellectual reason to keep the law and follow the rules.

But God knows I can't follow the rules. It doesn't matter if I'm saved or not. I'll break the law even when wisdom tells me that it's a stupid thing to do.

So I need mercy and grace. And the sacrifice of Jesus "from the foundation of the world" means that my need of grace is built into the system of the universe. Wisdom isn't something I add on to my salvation to make me live right. Wisdom is grabbing hold of Jesus' sacrifice for the power it gives me to be a son of God. And sons of God are heirs to his Kingdom. Sons of God have authority and power.

Wisdom is living by the Spirit of Jesus.

Word for 2012 in Review

Mine: adj.  That which belongs to me.  This was my word for 2012.

It's one of the first words we learn to say.  Spend time with most toddlers & you'll hear this word spoken with passion.  Parents work hard to teach the concept of "sharing" because no one likes to be around a selfish brat.

So why did I choose such a selfish word for myself?  It comes from Deuteronomy 29:29-- "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever."

The past several years I've picked words that did little for me.  So I'm pleased and somewhat surprised that this year's word had such an impact on me.  Perhaps the power of this word came from the fact that it wasn't a "motivational" word like the previous words I chose.  Those words had the power of New Year's resolutions--they were my efforts to change or improve some area of my life that was lacking.

The word "mine" was rooted in a quest for revelation.  I wanted to learn what God has given to me--what is mine.

If I wrote out everything God revealed to me I would bore you all and take more time than I can give.  But the word that sums it up for me is "grace".  I've known the concept & doctrine of grace as written in the Bible.  I've studied it and taught about it.  I believe in salvation through grace by faith.  But knowing and possessing are two different things.

Knowing grace didn't keep me from feeling like I need to do good things & religious things to earn God's favor.  Knowing grace meant that when I fall short of good I felt unworthy to talk to God.  Knowing grace was better than not knowing grace, but it fell way short of possessing grace.

The Holy Spirit talked to me about grace through the parable of the prodigal son.  What I realized was that neither son truly knew the grace of his father.  The younger thought he'd have to be demoted to a servant to come back home.  The older thought that his faithful service earned him favor.

 What the father said to both his sons was, "Everything I have is yours."  Somewhere along the line of going through this year I learned to possess this promise.  It is grace.

List Making & Getting Sidetracked Anyway

Brenda is a list maker. She likes the feeling of checking things off her list. And if she does a task not on her list she likes to add it to the list and then check it off. Today was our first full day of working on our house and so Brenda was working on her list last night when she stopped and asked if I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish for the day.

Now, I've had an on and off relationship with lists. Brenda has convinced me of their value in keeping my mind focused on the task to be completed. But my natural state is to flow through the day and take what comes. On most days I can blissfully ignore whatever list I've got and work on things that seem to be more interesting. But the fact that I have a list helps me answer Brenda when she asks what I plan to accomplish.

So when I said, “I'm keeping the list in my head,” I could see she wasn't too pleased. But when I explained that I only had one item on my list, she settled down and listened. My one item for today was to get water working in the house.

Not counting the water meter, we had leaking pipes in 4 places. One leak was in the pipes going to the shower in the master bath—and everything in the master bath is changing. Another leak was for the bar sink in the family room. We can live without that for quite a while. But we had two leaks in the pipes going to the upstairs bathroom. This bathroom we will have to use while the rest of the house is torn up. These pipes had to be fixed.

We're planning to tear out the ceiling in the master bedroom and bath, so I didn't have to make holes we could patch back in. I ripped down the biggest pieces I could. Two pipes had burst because of freezing. The bank must have winterized the house well after the first hard freeze. Once I found the pipes it was a simple job to patch them.

And Brenda ignored her list. She worked on the garage. The dirt and cobwebs bugged her so she vacuumed it out. As she looked at the condition of the walls she decided that they should get a new coat of paint. And now was the best time to do it—before we fill it with our stuff. We talked briefly of going to find our scrapple paints in storage. But we instead opted for a miss-tint gallon from Home Depot—mixed with a gallon of cheap Glidden. As we were leaving the manager asked us what color we decided to paint the garage. I held up the cans and said, “Whatever color we get when we mix these 2 gallons together.” He just shook his head and laughed. We are well known in the Home Depot paint department.

The garage looks good and the water works. We're happy, tired and sore. We're going to have to develop our rehab & construction muscles.

We closed on our house yesterday--the Friday before Memorial Weekend. We were pushing hard to get closed so we could have the weekend to start work on the house. Jackie White, from Accurate Title, worked hard to make this happen. Also, the hand of God was present to line up the timing of events and contacts we had to make. Jackie said there were 4 title companies involved on the seller's side--and one of them appears to be run from a call center in India.

Our first order of business is to get the mold out of the house. We got a dumpster ordered & went Friday night to turn on the water and get started. I knew there was one place I had to fix because the water line that supplies the ice maker was crimped with a pair of vice-grip pliers. I cut and capped that line. But when I turned the main valve a thin spray of water came from the water meter. The bank must have been slow in getting the house winterized and so water froze and broke the meter.

We decided we could live with the small leak for the time we checked out the rest of the house. We turned on the second valve and heard the ringing tone of water flowing through the pipes. We worked quickly through the house checking for flow in each of the sinks. Those on the main level and in the basement were doing fine so I increased the flow and we kept watching to see how they would handle the full flow. But when I checked the upstairs bath, we had nothing getting there. A few minutes later we discovered why--all of the water was going into the master bedroom and bath ceiling. Short video HERE.

We had planned to tear out ceilings in both rooms as well as all the walls of the master bath, but we didn't plan on this work being the first thing we did. But we're learning to roll with whatever comes along. I'm going to install shut-off valves so we can get water to some of the house. Brenda will proceed with her plan of scraping the popcorn texture off the ceilings in the upstairs bedrooms to get them ready for us to live in while we work on the rest of the house. Then I'll start tearing holes in the ceilings to find the broken pipes.

We didn't get the hydrogen peroxide ordered in time for this weekend, but Brenda read online that Borax will kill mold. We're going to do a surface treatment with a Borax solution for now & will use the peroxide when we start tearing into the places we know are saturated with mold.

The Full Monte

One of the pleasures of the BAK is listening to rider's stories of adventures on the road. Yesterday we had rain—lots of rain. We heard there was an inch & a half in less than an hour. All I know is that is rained hard. Jay Maske & I waited it out in a car wash in our overnight town. But a lot of folks left much earlier than we did and were caught in the deluge. Jay & I had our own misadventures and challenges yesterday, but nothing compared to some of the stories we heard on the road today.

One small group of riders took shelter on a farmer's porch, since no one was home when the knocked. The farmer and his wife came home to find the riders shivering in the cold and wet. They invited the riders in and offered to dry their riding clothes. They loaned the men overalls and the woman a robe.

Another group took shelter in a farmer's machine shed. They shivered in the dark until the farmer came home and hit the garage door opener and lights. The farmer got over his shock and offered the group towels and coffee. Other riders got under tractor trailer rigs or culverts.

But the story that took the prize is the group who made it to Stockton, our lunch stop. They spotted a laundry and decided to dry their clothes. A few had the creativity to buy boxers and towels at the Dollar General store. A few others covered themselves with a plastic trash bag. But one guy stripped bare, threw his clothes in the dryer then sat down and covered his privates with a magazine. I was glad to have merely heard this story rather than seeing the event in person.

For most BAK riders, modesty is relative to the amount of cover available when stopping for a bathroom break. Western Kansas doesn't offer many trees for cover, and there are no porta-potties on the roadside. You rely on your fellow riders to respect your situation and not look if the only cover you have is a telephone pole. But this guy reached new frontiers in BAK lore. I'm sure this story will survive for a long time.

The Holy Spirit is Weird

There's been an outpouring of the Holy Spirit at IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Grandview, MO. I heard that Bill Johnson was coming to visit along with other leaders who have been involved with various revivals in the past few decades. I really had hoped to see Bill Johnson speak in person. I've been listening to his podcasts for many months.

The IHOP was packed. They had to shuttle people from a satellite parking lot. The main sanctuary was standing room only. I made my way to the overflow room and found an empty spot on the back bleachers. I had picked up snippets of a conversation between friends talking about a third friend that had been "manifesting" earlier in the day. It had been a while since I heard the term, but I wasn't surprised by it. I'm familiar with some of the weirdness that comes with the moving of the Holy Spirit.

As I read about the history of revivals, there's always an undercurrent of weirdness going along with it: people falling down, shaking, rolling. In the revivals of the 1990s, people laughed and made animal noises. I don't know how far the IHOP revival will spread, but the manifestation I saw in several people was a "turkey walk". It's a twitch forward, a hunching of the shoulders and the neck being pulled down into the shoulders. But my assessment is only based on casual observation. The "turkey walk" may be only limited to a few and will not become the "signature" manifestation of this outpouring. I also saw a familiar manifestation of the back bend: leaning over backwards at the waist. This manifestation was one I've seen in a friend years ago.

I've witnessed these kinds of things before. I've experience being put on the floor by the Holy Spirit and the manifestation that came with one of those experiences is still with me. I twitch when I get in the presence of the Spirit. I wasn't there for curiosity or even out of a desperate need for a touch from God. I sensed that I was supposed to be there, and I was looking for what God had for me. Someone did pray for me and gave me a word from God. It was later confirmed by a prophet who came to our church this week. That's a different story.

What I've been thinking about is why God chooses to move in such strange ways. I even see suggestions of this in the Old Testament prophets. If you read carefully it seems that the prophesying was sometimes accompanied by weirdness. For example, when the Spirit of the Lord came on king Saul & he lay naked on the ground, prophesying. The wonder was in the recipient of the prophecy, not the process. It seems that the Holy Spirit has been putting people on the ground for a long time.

It is from Bill Johnson that I received an insight about all this weirdness. We are to seek the peace that passes understanding. But that means we have to let go of our need to always understand. The 12 disciples didn't understand Jesus sermon about eating his flesh and drinking his blood any more than the thousands who turned away. But they went beyond their understanding to recognize that there was life released to them that went beyond what they could comprehend.

I've come to believe that the Holy Spirit is weird so that we have to get past our intellectual offense and grasp a level of understanding that is spiritually grasped. That is what I'm chasing after. If I have to walk like a turkey to get it, so be it.

Life is What Happens To You When You're Making Other Plans

Life happened to me yesterday as I smoked a brisket on the grill. As I tended the fire and put packets of soaked wood chips over the burner, Michael came outside & we sat down and talked. The girls were grocery shopping. We guys were just hanging around the house--smoking a brisket.

The conversation was one that cannot be planned or orchestrated. I can't even remember the question that started it. But we spent the following half hour or so talking about what life had offered us or, more often, thrown at us in the past several years. We talked of lessons learned, God's grace and mercy, and wondered at the opportunities for which God is preparing us.

This morning I realized that this conversation was one of those moments that I've so often missed because I was distracted or doing something else. Whenever I write goals, one that always comes out is that I want to share the lessons God teaches me to my family. But whenever I try to create such an opportunity it never seems to work. A skilled writer would likely add a significant metaphor at this point to brilliantly illustrate his thesis, but alas, I can think of none. I know there's one out there, but right now it eludes me. Perhaps an elusive metaphor is the point I want to illustrate. I can't force it to appear. It alights as if unbidden and if I force it to come, it sits in the sentence stilted and awkward.

So it is with conversations of significance. They appear and offer their opportunity for a depth of connection that cannot be forced. I shared with Michael the lessons of the last 5 years that led up to a turning point in my life this August. He shared his own journey and what God was up to in his family. We don't know for sure what it is for which God is preparing us, but He's up to something, that's for sure.

It is telling that the value of such moments in our lives can only be seen in retrospect. Sometimes I've looked back and saw times I've missed opportunities. I'm glad that this time I didn't.

Why? Because it's there.

The Question sometimes comes as a statement that you're crazy. Sometimes it's just a subtle shake of the head in conversation. Sometimes it's just the tone of voice. But The Question is there and it lies beneath the other polite questions people ask about my trip. The Question: Why would you get on a bicycle and ride across the state of Kansas? Why face the heat, cold, rain, and wind and then end the day with a cold shower and a night of sleeping in tents or a gym floor? Even Brenda shakes her head in wonder that so many of us take on this quest every year.

I asked myself The Question on Day 4 when we had 75 miles of riding into a strong headwind. On most days we are able to coast down hills and get a break from pedaling. On this day, we pedaled almost every mile. We all looked shell-shocked as we slowly walked around Halstead. That night, as I updated my Facebook, I noticed a post from my friend, Dale: "I'm sitting on my boat watching my wife take a nap in the sun." I asked myself, "So why am I sitting on a bicycle struggling to pedal into the wind instead of being on a boat or a beach somewhere and sipping a cold beverage?" One advantage of traveling at 13.4 m.p.h. is that you have time to ponder such questions. By the end of the following day I had my answer.

The classic answer mountain climbers give is that they climb the mountain because it's there. I think there is a need inside all of us to overcome a challenge. Most of the time we do this vicariously through following the adventures of others or rooting for a sports player or team. But some of us are not content to sit on the sidelines. We need a real challenge to find out if we've got the stuff inside us to survive the difficulties and the danger. Most of us don't take on extreme challenges such as mountain climbing or trekking across Africa. But danger and difficulty are the essence of what we crave.

I spoke with a friend along the way and he pointed out that we always love the days of riding in mild, sunny weather and tailwinds. But we remember and talk about the days we struggled: running out of water, flat tires, killer hills and headwinds, and semi trucks that miss us by inches. Even though BAK has great support for us, we still have to pedal the miles. And the danger along the road is real. Riding along the white line at the side of the highway is a place where a half-second of inattention can lead to being crushed by a car on your left or dropping a wheel off of the pavement on your right. Either one can lead to a painful and quick end to the day's ride.

I came back from my week tired in body but refreshed in my soul. Could I have been a refreshed by a week on the beach? Perhaps, but I think not. Challenging myself and overcoming the difficulties of the week reaches deeper inside of me that just relaxing. And the challenges are new and different each year. The 75 miles of wind took more out of me than I realized. The following day my legs felt like wood. I wasn't alone. A lot of us struggled that day. I saw lots of bikes on the back of the SAG wagons--people who had to drop out. This year I challenged myself to ride a century--100 miles in a day. I'd attempted a century and failed last August.

I don't foresee mountain climbing in my future. But I'm going to keep looking for ways to challenge myself. Succeed or fail, I need ways to find out what I'm made of. It keeps my soul whole.